The Split I Still Can’t Do… But We’re Manifesting It Anyway
The Split Chronicles · 2026
For the past five years, I’ve had one singular, glittery yoga-girl dream:
✨ I am going to do a full split. ✨
And yet, here we are in Year Five, and my hamstrings are still like:
“LOL. Absolutely not.”
I’ve stretched.
I’ve lunged.
I’ve bargained with the Universe.
I am literally dating a former Olympic gymnastics coach, for crying out loud.
And STILL…..no split.
Meanwhile, toddlers everywhere are casually flopping into the splits without even blinking. People on Instagram drop into perfect splits while holding iced coffee, smiling as if it didn’t take three hours of warming up and at least two previous lifetimes of flexibility training.
And me?
My split still looks like a hesitant, halfway, are-we-sure-about-this situation.
But here’s the thing…
This September, we’re traveling to Split, Croatia for our retreat.
The Universe is literally sending me to a city named after the very thing I cannot do.
If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.
So I’ve decided:
This is my moment.
This is my origin story.
This is the year I (not gracefully, not quickly, but with unwavering comedic commitment) finally learn to do the split.
And I’m taking you with me.
Will there be progress photos?
Probably.
Will there be behind-the-scenes footage of me inching closer to the ground at the speed of continental drift? Absolutely.
By September, when we land in Split, I will ideally be able to drop into the splits on command.
Or at least… lower myself into something vaguely split-adjacent without crying or calling for backup.
Either way, this is happening.
Because a woman on a mission is a powerful thing. Especially once she’s announced her intentions publicly and the internet is watching.
Here’s to the journey.
The stretching.
The whining.
The progress.
And the inevitable laughter.
Let’s split before we go to Split.
Stay tuned.
My hamstrings and I have work to do. 🧘♀️✨
